Thursday, 9 September 2010

Redecorating and other house repairs

Ambisinistrous is the opposite of ambidextrous. It means 'no good with either hand'.

Woodwork is my most disappointing lack of achievement in my life. I have moved on from a hammer and a 6" nail to solve all wood problems, Matthew of Underdickens taught me the value of a screw and an electric screwdriver. Now when I repair a wooden object I use a 6" screw and drive it in with my 2000 watt Bosch electric screwdriver.

Bank holiday weekends in the UK tend to lean towards redecorating, redecorating? I was a bit confused when first moving over here. Redecorating meant knocking walls out, changing light fittings, buying new furniture and hanging new curtains. No my Middle Earth friends, redecorating means painting a room a different colour. The rest is major alterations and needs planning permission. Women do it as well, remarkable.

For those who are concerned about being sexually abused by a Catholic priest, I am happy to report that we have castrated all priests of Middle Earth and now their divine wisdom comes straight from The Matriarch, Mother of Middle Earth and Witch of All Wisdom. I do not foresee any more goings on in the vestry or behind the pulpit ever again. OK a little, but let's make it fun.

Talking of The Matriarch, I notice that she has put herself forward to the Register of Important People as the 'Mother of Middle Earth and Witch of All Wisdom'. Quite right too.

Update to Register of Important People.

The Matriarch – Mother of Middle Earth and Witch of All Wisdom.
Fulia of Faydale – Member in Charge of Borough Affairs and Associations.
Fess of Faydale – Member in Charge of the Population Register and Archivest
Robert – Secretary of Diplomatic Peacekeeping.


  1. No mention of Michael as a RIP - does this mean he has been declined?