Royal Wedding – the dark side

Have you come across someone who you cannot stand as a presenter on a television program that you just want to punch them? We watch the One Show every night except Friday's, that night has Chris Evans, he has that face that says 'Punch me'. Anyway I have the ability of switching off to trivia.

Now the presents: Boris Johnson – Mayor of London - gave them a tandem bicycle, so apt with regards to Boris's bicycles. Boris's bicycles are all over London, you hire them and they have special bicycle lanes all over the city. Anyway it will be interesting to hear what Sir Elton John and his toy boy came up with. What has Prince Charles and Camilla given? Maybe an indigenous tree, planted in organic Duchy compost.

I believe the Queen has given them Wales and offered Northern Ireland but Kate felt it was too soon. Also a wee castle and a flat in Kensington. They are very excited about the Castle, not having somewhere to stay at the minute and when the family grows then can add another brace of rooms.

Matthew of Ozdale has offered to supervise the build with Angela and Lily Florence as the official mum and artist respectively. If it is a new build then Claudia of Claudosa is the right person. If they are really in need of somewhere to stay and need a place in a hurry, I would recommend Buckingham Palace, loads of room there.

Tomorrow's news already say: Nerves at the altar but William didn't look back: It was a day when they were being watched by the world, but the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge only had eyes for each other. (That's the Times).

My headline: Harry and Pippa have a grand time. After looking after their respective brother and sister, they rave until 5am and then collapse.(See photo of Pippa)