Sunday, 27 May 2018


Friday is the best day of a bank holiday weekend, you know there are 3 full days to relax, write a little, garden if you must and walk JB at your leisure. I am sure there will be a trip or two to take some photos and be out there but as it is a holiday weekend the places will be very busy, so off the beaten track is where we will take ourselves.

I am rambling but it does get me started on the wonders of the human mind. We have a new law that has come into force today. General Data Protection Regulations (GDPR). We have known about this for about 6 months and I did notify all my clients,  you know what happened. Everyone left it to the last minute, actually some still have not got back to me.

Today we see the new dawn of enlightenment, no longer will I receive emails from companies I have never heard of, no more spam phone calls asking if I have been in an accident. No life will be simpler, laid back. That is the object but the sting in the tail is that it only applies to those in the EU. Those Indian call centres will grow and so will the number of Reginald's that phone me about pet insurance for Jenson. Reginald, really, with an Indian accept I barely understand. No, this new law has not taken away one of the few pleasures I have in life, that is swearing at the poor Reginald's of this world. I have been known to pass disparaging remarks about his ancestry and the origins of his species, all is fair in love and spam calls. I have found out that Glen is 'Nemo' in Hindu. In future I will be known as Nemo and when they call asking for Glen Smith, I will tell them my names is Nemo Lehaar, Lehaar is Hindu for Smith, could be interesting conversation. I will of course say some words that no child younger than 3 should hear, they do grow up so fast.

Sunday and its Bournemouth

Susan has just started Yoga in the gardens. Bournemouth gardens just opposite the town hall. Quite a crowd and it is only 10am, all booking a place for their favourite yoga mat, their little area of real estate. We do expect it to be a warm day, again, so will be on my own as Susan will be sunning herself at the beach.
I on the other hand have found a quaint little bistro, The Dancing Moose and will be enjoying a English breakfast and an Americano. Need this little treat after the harrowing day in Holt with 16 golden retrievers all from the same mother. A big family event and JB did not let us down. 
Susan and JB before the party
We got Jenson from Anna and Dennis just over 9 months ago. He was the last of the litter and happily we snapped him up when no one else would. I think Dennis was quite keen to keep him as his dog but that can not be confirmed. When we saw him he was with Elle, his sister and Buddy, his brother.
Moving on 9 months and we had a reunion, all the puppies from that litter and from the previous litter. 16 dogs, all the same, not quite. There was something different about them and we could pick Jenson out without a problem. Actually we would be saving the other dogs from him as he decided it was Christmas and he had all these dogs, just like him to play with. 
Jenson looking for trouble
Went for a walk in the Holt Nature Reserve and he found the small pond of water and mud, leading all the other dogs in and then had a game. you can imagine, 16 white receivers now slowly turning into wet black dogs. I over heard someone say, ‘well that is a £100 grooming wasted.’

Surprisingly busy in here, mostly young couples bulking up before they indulge in serious retail therapy. I sometimes think we have too much deposable income. In the days gone by you would be going for a walk, catching up on all those jobs you put off around the house or just reading a book. I know I am one of them as I am having breakfast and coffee I could have had at home. My excuse is that my office is at home and the weekend brings a welcome respite, allowing me to get out and about, need to be there to answer the phone etc. 

Superman and Superwoman have just sat down, really, 10am and already into strange behaviour. Maybe I do not get out enough, they did get strange looks from everyone else, so I am not alone in my slight surprise. Then there is a group of young ladies, 7 in fact, all expected to be heard and funny enough, expecting someone to listen to them. Well they will sort out the pecking order once they get some food into themselves. Oh, and so and so will not be coming as she has had a implant, little tender I would imagine.
Amazing what you learn by people watching and listening. ‘Gemma only got home at 4 this morning.’ I bet they are hurting inside. Now this party is kicking off, Gemma has just ordered a double vodka and coke, go easy on the coke.

I digress, the breakfast was moderately good, coffee tasted more like filter coffee but in all fairness I did not ask for an Americano in a double expresso cup, might have been better.

Monday, 21 May 2018

A Royal Wedding weekend

Well if anything this will make Robert happy. He is one of those Royal fans and highly approves of the upper class, well, very high upper class. Harry and Meghan are getting married this weekend and Windsor is going to come alive with the sound of military bands and church bells. I see prince Phillip is going to be there, just had a hip op and at 97 makes his way to the wedding. Rather him then me, you all know what I think of weddings.
Talking about wedding and my blog on the fore mentioned subject. I did get a frosty review from she who must be obeyed. Seems I might have upset some people who have already got married. If so please accept my sincere apologies and be happy in your marriage. If you decide to get married again, I refer you to my previous blog on marriage. 
With all that said I must ramble on a bit and give you the schedule for the royal wedding. 
9:00 All invited guests to arrive and be seated.
9:30 All celebrity guests to arrive and be seated.
11:45 Prince Harry arrives 
12:00 Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip arrive
12:05 Meghan arrives.
12:15 Service starts.
13:05 Service ends. 
I rest my case, you do the maths, pretend you an invited guest.
I really hope this is that fairy tale wedding and they do live happily ever after. I want them to, but have my doubts. So does the Queen from the image of her and Prince Phillip. 

Thursday, 17 May 2018

Bluebells and other flowers

Susan organised a bluebell walk at Pamphill, next to Kingston Lacy. Meeting at the car park at 8:30 was a bonus as we missed the traffic and all the people who would be visiting the carpets of bluebells. The plan was to meet Anna and John with Lady Vivienne and go for a stroll in the forest and admire the bluebells and then onto a coffee shop.

Lady Vivienne arrived in a floral top over white crop pants and matching floral cross trainers. As we were there to see the floral display it was fitting one of us dressed for the occasion. 

Jenson was, as always, well behaved and stayed with us most of the time. Sadly the bluebells were getting a little passed their prime and I only saw a few late bloomers in full colour but as you can see it still was worth the visit and we all enjoyed the walk. 

Coffee, we were too early, so we decided to head moor the beach in search of breakfast and to give Jenson a cool swim before the heat of the day forced him and I indoors.

Well that turned out to be a disappointment as the beach car park was already full by 9:45. The Susan took JB for a quick swim, while I double parked on the peninsula and we made for The Kitchen in Poole park, their breakfast is not as good but we were not too fussed by then.

Reading back it all looks a little boring but in fact was quite an enjoyable time. Susan is now on the beach with Lady Vivienne and I am sitting at Sandbanks cafe enjoying a good cup of coffee before getting dinner. Not sure but roast gammon, new potatoes and salad quite takes my fancy. 

Saturday, 5 May 2018

Lesser Spotted Great Golden Normal Bird

I take a pen to paper and see what the words will do. It is like drawing.

Susan in search of that bird
Susan and Robert were out walking and they spotted a golden coloured bird, bigger than a normal bird but smaller than a fat pigeon. On arriving home they came to me and asked if I knew what it was. Remember I was not there, so did not see the bird eye to eye, but after some thinking I realised it might be the Lesser Spotted Great Golden Normal Bird (Guttera pucherani). Quite rare for this time of the year as birds do not seem to be one thing or another at the moment, but those that are passing through on their migration path can leave you a little confused. 

You must understand, some birds we see here look like Lesser Spotted Great Golden Normal Bird but are in fact very thin and can be any number of species. The Lesser Spotted Great Golden Normal Bird is not native to England, has been seen all over the world by twitters and other walkers. This bird is smaller than a pigeon and larger then a normal bird. Normal, meaning a sparrow or robin and we all know how big the cheeky pigeon is. Interesting spotting and I am sure the memory will stay with them for a time, cherished sightings are always good for the regular twitter. 

May bank holiday weekend is upon us and we can really look forward to an extra day tagged onto the weekend, also thousands of holidaymakers down to enjoy the sun and sea. With all the extra visitors we will need the extra day just to get from A to B. I am in favour of having 'residence' only roads that have a automatic boom that will only open if you are a resident. Allow the holidaymakers the main routes but keep the rest of the roads free. With the advent of Google maps they always find alternative routes that only the locals are meant to know. Anyway we are predicted 22deg C and a light breeze, Susan will be happy.

All for now, I will let you get on with what you should be doing.

Marriage Invitations

Postal strikes are actually quite a good thing, in our house anyway. Most of the post is not something I am over excited to see. Electricity/Gas bills, phone bills, council tax bills, but the thing that fills me with fear are wedding invitations. I liken it to having to see the dentist. You all know how that feels.
I really do not want to go, but it is difficult to get out of. They are long, boring ceremony and the equally long reception, that you have to sit through, mostly with strangers. I can always tell it's a wedding invite because the font on the envelope has so many swirls and curls it looks like your address was written out during a bumpy car ride.

I always try to get it into the bin before Susan gets wind of it. Getting rid of a wedding invitation is not as easy as you might think. The envelope is packed full of bits of glitter and gold hearts that stick to everything and when you open the envelope, it almost explodes the incriminating evidence all over you cloths, carpet and the dog.
Our Dyson vacuum cleaner is made of sterner stuff, has to pickup all the dogs hairs, so I vacuum all the evidence away. Empty the vacuum and empty the bin. You would think I am in the clear, no way, those stick bits of glitter have a supernatural ability to stick to the inside of the vacuum cleaner. 
I recently tried this but Susan knew immediately what I'd done when she went to vacuum the lounge and saw the glitter whizzing round inside the Dyson like some kind of demented washing machine.

Don't get me wrong, I am not against marriage. If two people want to get married, only two at a time, let them get on with it. Why all the fuss? Helping Susan buy a new car is a big deal but I do not invite everyone I know to help me. That is my challenge and I relish guiding her through the obstacles and doubts, not to mention her reluctance to part with her money.
The world has moved into a technology era and I say let's embrace it, fill in a form online, ticking all the boxes, agree to the terms and submit. Instantly you will receive your confirmation email congratulating you on your happy marriage. Maybe this is something I should setup. Having a big fancy wedding does not mean you love someone more, it just means you want to show off to your friends and family how much money you have to waste.

As you are aware, I am not too worried what other people think of me. There is one blatant point I would like to make. I am very fond of a good cake but that wedding cake has never appealed to me, actually I have yet to find someone who is willing to eat it on the night. 

I appeal to all that know me, send your wedding invitations to someone who is crazy enough to want to go and save me from glitter and exploding envelopes, not to mention the weird, frilly handwritten address.